My friends, in this centre of excellence,
we find skills of the highest degree.
With experts in toe nails and flatulence,
in obesity, and swollen knee.
There are those who can stretch, or shrink you,
make any part of you, fat or thin.
There are those who can sew, stitch, or glue you,
and those who can make certain parts spin.
They can take almost any bit from you,
with a smile, as they wield their sharp knife,
and a gentle cough if you turn blue,
as they whisper, "Send for his wife."